Us Dommes Hold Great Power and Even Greater Responsibility

Gosh, where do I start? I write this with a heavy heart, full of sorrow, anger and despair. A few days ago, I received the news that a sub of mine, Peter, passed away. He was much more than just a sub to me but a good friend too. We shared many highs and lows of life together and many unique experiences too.

When P and I met, it was via cam. This guy, who I could sense was in deep destructive pain was sat there, wearing a non-rebreathe gas mask laced with poppers continued to fill balloon after balloon with nitrous. It was like he was in a pre-programmed loop. He didn’t really care for my company and really paid a premium rate for my time simply, so he didn’t have to come to the realisation that he was, in fact, a drug addict. The logic was, if he was sitting there on cam with a dominatrix instructing him to do harmful substances then it’s not a drug problem – it’s fun!

Now, here’s the thing about me, I’m clairsentient. This simply means clear feeling or an advanced level of empathy. This gift is both a blessing and a curse, I can literally sense peoples joy but equally their pain too. I can feel when people are doing me wrong, I can vibe people’s motive and intents and I can gain a deep understanding of a person without any prior knowledge of them. This is hard for a non-spiritual person to comprehend, I understand you may not fully understand or accept the above paragraph but that’s ok. How can one understand or comprehend something of which they have no experience of?

So, with my clear feeling, this first encounter with P filled me with sadness. I sensed that he was a person in deep pain conflicted by demons within him. I knew that he needed help. I knew that if he were continuing to inhale over 100 canisters of nitrous in one sitting alone in his home, it would eventually kill him. He was playing rush and roulette with his life, quite literally. Being the spiritual person that I am, I instantly felt a duty to help him. Deep within me, I knew if I didn’t help him at that critical point, it would be too late. I sent him an email for him to read once sober telling him of my gift, what I had sensed and seen within him and offered him help. He didn’t accept this help straight away. I think it stunned him that I wasn’t just a typical cam girl who was happy for him to waste hundreds of pounds in exchange for me sitting there watching him slowly kill himself.

So, how did Peter find himself in this state? He was a true submissive, his desires were to serve and be accepted for his submissive self. How did a true submissive find himself at the age of 50 in such a state? Well, I shall tell you. There is a breed of “dominatrixes”, I use the word domme loosely here, who instead of using domination as a tool of beauty and power they use it as a tool of destruction. They introduce and feed a submissive drugs. The drugs make the sub more compliant during the session, giving the domme an easier ride. I mean, she can simply sit there, feed him drugs and at the end, the sub will believe it was the most amazing BDSM session of his life. Was it the half-assed lazy session or the drugs they had been spoon-fed which were so amazing? Hmmm, doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work that out, does it? Not only does this make hard work easier but this keeps the submissive addicted. They will continue to come back again and again, to feed their addiction to drugs. At first, they may not realise that they’re a drug addict but when they look at the situation for its entirety, it’s clear to see. Many of these subs would not naturally gravitate towards drugs and most likely wouldn’t touch them without being introduced by a “figure of authority who cares for their needs and knows best”. As these people wouldn’t naturally gravitate towards drugs, they typically don’t mix in circles that allow for drugs to be sourced freely. Therefore, they are further reliant on the domme who introduced the drugs. The domme then becomes the dealer too. This is exactly what happened to P, he had been a sub for over 30 years. Finding domination in his early 20s and realising his submissive nature much earlier than that. He had spent his early life, happily serving till his domme retired. He then met a much younger domme who introduced him to nitrous, ketamine and cocaine.

So, moving on, he eventually emailed me on his own accord. He was frightened of his addictions. He was terrified of death and knew it was imminent after a bout of intense drug taking which found him filming himself so that he knew what he had gotten up to the previous evening. The footage scared him a great deal, he had no memory of sitting there spending hundreds on cam and doing over 150 canisters of nitrous till his hands went so numb through the coldness and eventually he passed out on the floor, with his cam still on, the domme sitting there watching her credits tick up and his go down all the while she doesn’t know if he’s dead or alive. I have seen this footage, recognise the domme and have a good mind to call her ass out! Together, P and I fought his demons. We kicked the addictions ass hard. It wasn’t easy, addiction was always looming over him like the devil on his shoulder. This wasn’t helped by countless dommes who had noticed he was no longer lining their pockets anymore and repeatedly contacted him offering him intox sessions; even after being told he was attempting to turn his life around.

Anyhow, after a year’s hard work, intense every single day. P and I managed to work as a team and rid him of his addictions for a short time. I reintroduced him to life, pushing him to look after himself by cooking, eating well, exercise and to live a full life socialising and doing things he enjoyed; as opposed to isolating himself, in his home, on cam consuming drugs. This year sober, was the happiest P had ever been. He was so thankful for the energy and effort I had put into him in order to get him to this more positive space.

Late last year, my own brother passed away due to recreational party drugs. He was just 22 years old, with a long full life ahead of him. During my time of grief, I wasn’t able to give all of myself to P to keep him on track. As my life and long-term sub, this was his time to shine and be there for me. Instead, I found out he had sourced drugs from a local “domme” and was back to his own habit. Angry that he let me down when I needed him. Angry that he ruined all of the hard work we had put in and angry at drugs for taking my own brother’s life, P and I fought. He continued this spiral down into old habits with the help of this local girl.

P, died on the 15th May 2019. In his home, alone. This was his ultimate fear.  From him and I falling out to him dying, it took just under four months.

I’m feeling all sorts of feelings about this, sadness, regret, thinking I should have tried harder and a great deal of anger. Angry at him and the dirty ass domme who facilitated his drug addiction, death and pushed him deep into debt doing so.

So, dommes, this begs the question. Would YOU, provide drugs to, facilitate by playing with the sub and literally spoon feeding him drugs if he had previously told you he was trying to get clean? Would you even consider doing intox play with a sub who has something like www.depressivethoughts, as his bio?

It’s sad to know from first-hand insight that many dommes would. They wouldn’t care as long as their pockets were being lined. I doubt they wouldn’t even do their diligence to check a subs background to find out if he’s a risk like such before playing with him.

Us dommes, wear heavy crowns. We are figures of authority. We drill into subs that we know what’s best for them. They honour and worship the ground in which we walk on. They will happily hand in hand follow us down whatever path we tell them to walk, even if it’s negative and dark. We should be entrusted with such responsibilities, after all, we are the ones in control, right? We should be the responsible person looking out for our subs and ensuring that they are safe. This is really at the CORE of domination. Providing a safe place and capable hands for our subs to play in.

Girls, please, please, please, don’t let the example of the above domme be you. If you have a conscious, such implications of play will be heavy in your mind and heart. I’m just thankful that I know I tried my very best for Peter, I tried to lead him down the right path and in no way whatsoever facilitated his fatal destruction.

Subs, if you’re in a frightening space, deep in addiction and your domme is aiding you or even pushing you into this. You don’t have to stay in that place find another domme to help you or another form of therapy. There are so many options available for help.

 

2 Comments

  • Mistress L

    This is such a sad but powerful read. My heart goes out to you. The domme that carried on cam while he was passed out is deplorable. At least you know you tried.
    Much love

    • Queen Morningstar

      Thank you Misstress L. It is a very sad read but I’ve had a few emails from subs saying that it struck a cord with them so at least it’s doing some good in the world. There’s a thin line between fun and addiction. It’s often very blurry to see. X

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